Parenting Doubt – Feeling Like A Failure…
Dear big ol’ Universe,
Every parent has good days and bad days, but lately there seems to be more and more bad ones.
It seems that the monsters are out of control which makes me feel out of control.
It makes me ache on the inside in a way that no words can describe.
Nothing is how I want it to be, it’s not even close. The kids are pushing and pushing and pushing and we’re snapping and snapping and snapping.
I feel like everything we’ve tried to do to get our ‘normal’ back has failed, which in my mind automatically pushes the big fat FAIL button in my parenting career.
They said to confiscate everything.
We took everything away, and the kids became destructive. Drawing on walls, breaking into the shed and so on. I put this down to boredom because they had nothing to do.
They said to create routines.
Everything is an argument at the moment. No matter what I do to set up a routine, somebody is working against me.
They said to try rewards and reward charts.
What do the kids say to this? “We don’t care if we don’t get a sticker”…. So then what do you do???
They say to confiscate things…. Hmmmm, but it doesn’t work!
They say to follow through with consequences.
Well those of you that read us regularly would know what happened when Aria refused to tidy her room.
To cut a long story short, she was told that having her own room was not a right, it was a privilege. If she wasn’t going to tidy it up, then she would lose it. She lost her room, and she didn’t give a bugger. Couldn’t care less.
Now this was one threat I was certain of. Completely sure that it would work but alas, we’re back at square one as within a day of her moving rooms, her new room is trashed and I cannot see the carpet…. Excuse? “It wasn’t me”.
So almighty parenting gurus, what do I do next? Throw her outside to sleep? I mean the dog makes mess less and she’s out there….. Somehow I’m not sure it’ going to be legal though….
The fighting, screaming and blatant disrespect for anyone or anything is getting me down.
I have spoken to their teachers and apparently they’re fine at school, they’re just saving it all up for us at home.
Now I am well aware that children need 3 things.
1. Love & Warmth,
2. Boundaries & Rules and
3. Consistency & Routines.
In my defense I think I have well and truly covered the second 2 and in all honesty, lately I am really struggling with number 1.
Of course I love my monsters to bits. More than anything.
But lately, their behavior has been so challenging that more often than not, I don’t want them all over me. I am angry at them. I am upset with them. I am mentally exhausted with them.
The last 2 weekends I have really tried to put an emphasis on some family time and being with each other. The thought process behind this was that if we were busy enjoying ourselves and having a good time together, showing the monsters the love and affection that I always have would not be so strained.
Last weekend we took them to visit family they hardly get to see, then we took them to an open range zoo. Pretty cool I thought…. But they were constantly fighting, pushing and hurting each other. They were climbing the walls and driving everyone mental. And just when we thought we’d made progress, the ‘I want’ and ‘I’m hungry’ tantrums began.
But I wasn’t going to let one bad experience get me down. I made plans for this weekend too.
Round 2. Yesterday we took them to the local circus. 15mins after we had eaten lunch the ‘I’m hungry’ crap started, closely followed by the ‘I want’. We purchased them 2 light up whirly things to take turns of.
It was all we could afford at $10 a pop, and after paying $135 in tickets. So they begin to fight over them. Expected? Almost certain.
10mins later, the first whirly was in pieces. Yep, they fought over it until it was literally pulled apart. The second one was pulled to pieces in the bus on the way home.
That brings me to today. Fathers day.
We took them to the market. We let them choose something to buy each, and then gave them a turn on the (feckin’ expensive) jumping castle. After the market we took them to Maccas and they had some lunch, and a big play on the playground.
All we had to do after that was head to the shop to buy some new shoes for school.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask after being treated out like that.
But no, the nonsense started again as we walked into the building and deteriorated with every step further into the shops.
They wont follow a simple instruction. 2 of them ran out in front of a moving car after being asked to stop… twice.
It’s not only frustrating and stressful it’s now dangerous as well.
Am I game enough to attempt what’s planned for next weekend?? I just don’t know.
I don’t know if I have it in me to deal with their nonsense. I don’t want to quit trying, but I am at my wits end.
I wake up each day feeling like I’ve failed them as a parent and I go to sleep each day feeling worse.
For years I have always ‘done my best’, but what do I do when my best isn’t quite good enough?
One upset Mumma. xox