It’s been no secret that I am desperate to lose weight. I have been banging on about it for what feels like forever and a day.
Without a doubt, my weight has always been the one thing that has held me back from doing so many things, basically all of my life.
I remember as a small child being told that I could not do sports well because of my size, and I was beside myself with heartache when I was told I was like a sack of spuds and not graceful enough to dance.
It didn’t take me long to start finding excuses as to why I couldn’t participate in physical activities, that’s for sure.
It’s a funny thing the way it’s all connected to the mind.
So often I have told myself that ‘I can’t’ do something before I have even given it a try.
When I think about it I can remember several times that I have given excuses about my weight as to why I can’t do something, or participate in an activity.
Like Horse Riding. I have never ever ridden a horse before, because in my mind, I was convinced that if I sat on the horse, I might be too heavy and hurt it, and you know me, I would never intentionally hurt an animal.
Most recently, I was offered the opportunity to raise money for a very worthy cause, by jumping out of an aeroplane. While my heart was in it 200%, my own mind talked me out of it because I was convinced that something would go wrong due to me being so overweight.
I’ve never really learned to swim properly for the same reasons. I love the water, I am not afraid of it, but the fear that works itself up in my mind about wearing a swimsuit in front of other people is enough to see me walk away from such a valuable life skill.
My weight has been the brunt of all my depression and anxiety. It’s the reason I have such low self esteem.
This year, I have been given the opportunity to work with a Personal Trainer. It’s something I have always thought about doing, but something I have always let my mind talk me out of doing before I even start.
I’ve been training for around 6 weeks now, and last week I hit a mega low.
Despite all the times that my mind has told me ‘what’s the point’, I have showed up to my PT Session and worked my arse off through it. My eating habits have improved about one million percent, and I have been walking a minimum of 5km everyday (well pretty much everyday, I may have missed just a few).
I won’t lie to you all. The training hurts. It hurts a lot. There are some days where I hurt so much I can hardly pick up Elijah and carrying a wet washing basket out to the clothesline becomes an excruciating task.
And although it hurts like that (and why wouldn’t it? I’ve never done these things before), I push on because I want so desperately to succeed and to lose all this weight I have to lug around with me each and everyday.
So you can imagine my heartbreak when I stepped on the scales as a part of a local town challenge and saw absolutely no change in the numbers. I went numb. I just couldn’t believe it.
All this hard, painful work and no change in that number really messed with my head.
I went through everything. I’d eaten so well. I’d not slacked off with the exercise. I’d seen the doctor who had taken me off some medication. How could this be happening??
I not only felt like I had let myself down, but I felt like I was letting my trainer down, my kids down, my readers of CCC down and so on.
And then my mind started messing with me again.
“You’re hopeless”, “You’re a failure”, “You can’t do this”, “You’ll always be fat”….
I really needed a good pep talk and that’s exactly what I got from Chris, my trainer. He convinced me to come to my next training session where we would weigh in again and re-take all my measurements.
Reluctantly, and afraid that I would still be so devastated at the scales, I agreed to ‘not quit’ and have another session.
After the training session, we spent 20mins weighing in and taking my measurements, and according to the figures he recorded back on the 1st of Feb, I had actually lost 3.3kgs by his professional scales.
It wasn’t the bigger chunks of weight that I have been able to shed in the past, but it was indeed a loss and I was going to take it!
It was the body measurements that really took me by surprise.
I’ve spent far too long looking in mirrors trying to see a change in my body, a change in my shape, well a change in anything really and I cannot see a difference at all, so much so that I was expecting to see very little to no difference.
There was a centimeter loss here and a 1.5cm loss there, but it wasn’t until he got to measuring around my waist and butt that I could suddenly see the great big light at the end of the tunnel. I lost over 6cms from around my waist and around 4cms across my butt and hips, in 19 days.
All of a sudden the hissy fit I had been throwing earlier in the week seemed so pointless and I knew then and there that I had to keep going, that I was not going to give up and have the rest of my life dictated to me by a number on a set of scales. I might not look much different yet, but I FEEL sooo much better, and I am more motivated than I have ever been in all areas of my life.
I guess what I am trying to say by sharing this with you all, is that often, it’s our mind and the stories that circle in our mind, that stop us achieving what we are more than capable of achieving when given the chance.
I had almost given up on all the hard work I had already put in, simply because of a number, when in fact I had lost centimeter’s everywhere, my fitness has improved out of sight and I was now doing things that I had never ever done before…. like sit ups!
The light at the end of the tunnel is there…. it might be a long way off for me, but it’s most certainly shining bright.
What is it that has stopped you achieving your dreams and goals?
Can you ignore what your mind tells you and make a start?