The Thought Box.

A Relationship ‘Wake-Up’ Call.

Tuesday, 23rd October 2012

A Relationship ‘Wake-Up’ Call.

I was talking with a lovely lady the other day about all things ‘relationships’ and the conversation sidetracked and we got onto yacking about giving compliments out.

She asked, when was the last time you said something nice or appreciative to Monstersquad Dad? (Well she said his name, but you guys know him as MSD)

And I had to stop and think for a second.

I mean don’t get me wrong, I tell the man I love him every single day, but I really had to stretch my mind to think about when I complimented him on something.

When I finally did remember, it was something very mundane, like “thanks for the coffee”…

She then asked “when was the last time he complimented you?”.

Well to cut 30mins of umming and ahhing out, I honestly couldn’t say. (Lucky for him that night, unprompted he complimented me on my ‘I just made the recipe up’ dinner.

Anyway, it got me thinking. I mean what if something happened tomorrow (KNOCK ON WOOD) and today was the last time I ever got to tell MonsterSquad Dad anything? or the last time he got to speak to me?

What would we have to remember each other by?

If it were today, it would have been a whole lot of ranting and raving about how he wasn’t doing enough to help out and how I’d had a gut-full of having to do everything. Properly.

Then my last memories would have been him dropping some snide comments about my time on the blog, the fact nothing had been done and that the baby was screaming again.

Not exactly what I want, not at all.

I’m afraid that this lovely lady was bloody right.

We need to refocus and start noticing each other again.

jac & brian engagement foto
{This photo was taken at our engagement party, when I was 6mths pregnant with little Miss Zafirah. Feels like a lifetime ago}

Love and feelings are so often assumed here at Chaos HQ.

We love to joke around and ‘hang crap’ on each other, all with good intentions but without all the nice stuff, I guess after nearly 10years, that can grow a little old.

MonsterSquad Dad is not much of a ‘deep and meaningful convo’ type guy. He say’s he just doesn’t know what to say and that he doesn’t know what to do with all the mooshy stuff.

I am a talker from way back, but easily get sidetracked and rant like a looney at every available opportunity.

So noticing and pointing out all the things we love about each other, learning how to appreciate each other and allowing the MonsterSquad to see it and learn too is going to be a top priority for me these days.

I want to feel loved and appreciated and cared for, so I have no doubt that he feels the same way.

Off the top of my head I can think of several things that I can compliment him on to let him know I appreciate him.

* Tell him he is doing a great job as a father
* Tell him he’s doing a great job as a husband
* Let him know I appreciate all the nappy changes and nose wipes he does. (I know some dads that flat out refuse)
* Thank him for driving us around everywhere
* Support and encourage him with his new business
* Notice when he does those extra little jobs
* Give him a cuddle when he least expects it
* Plan some time with him without the kiddies
* Value his opinion and ask for his involvement in family & business stuff
* And brace yourselves people, this is a biggie, I could sit down and watch bloody ‘Star Wars’ with him. If that doesn’t show him how much I love and care for him then nothing ever will!!!!!!!

Brian & Jac - Honey Moon Pic
{Look at us on our honeymoon, all happy and having fun! Lets bring back these times!!}

Isn’t it funny, how we tend to forget some of life’s basics when we’re so busy with life.

We also tend to hurt the people closest to us too. I am always complimenting my friends and opening my arms and hearts for them, but I (we) have forgotten what is so important at home.

How grateful I am of the reminder we have both been given.

Do you and your partner need a reminder too?
Do you just put the ‘blergh’ moments of your relationship down to being in the same ‘mundane’ relationship?
Have you let time make you lazy at all of these things?
Does ‘noticing’ make a difference in your relationship?


    Written by:

    1. Nikki Samson.

      What a timely reminder..having kids you just tend to 'survive' the days and nights and plod on and forget what made you decide to become parents..thank you for the reminder to you and that lovely lady..xoxo

    2. Glenne

      Yup we all need to be reminded don't we; I suppose it's easy after a long time together to assume that our partner knows how we feel, and I'm sure he does, but I like to hear it from him occasionally so I suppose he'd like to hear it just as much....I'm not even sure it's laziness, it's definitely complacency though. But yes it could all be over tomorrow for any one of us; why take a chance on regretting not doing something that would be so easy to say or do. I like your ideas too (although come on, Star Wars, surely you don't have to go to those lengths....haha ;) ).

    3. commonchaoschronicle

      I know Glenne, I have avoided Star Wars my whole life. It would be the most ultimate sacrifice for love...ever. (And several hours of my life I would never get back!!!!LOL).

    4. You two look so sweet together btw. :) Honestly, I've been looking at my relationship for the past year and a bit. And I'll be honest with's scares me. Scares me to sometimes think...have I made the right decision? Was it love or lust or just the good feeling you get of someone taking care of you when you've been with someone who didn't previously? We've been married for more than 10 years now. And it's only now that I'm getting the chance to actually look at where we're at now. He doesn't think there's anything wrong. But for me to find so many flaws...that's alarm bells ringing isn't it? At least you still recognise that you're still in love with him. I honestly don't know if I do.

    5. commonchaoschronicle

      I say, give it all you've got Norlin. Do the romantic stuff, try to find that spark. If it doesn't happen, at least you gave it your best shot. Sometimes I over question everything, leaving me stressed out and worried about things that aren't even there. Maybe don't question everything for a while and just work on finding each other again. Big Love, always here, Jac xoxo

    6. My husbands like yours he never knows what to say. He still can;t csay anything but if he does something for me I do say thanks and please. And I always tell him how sexy he is.

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