The Thought Box.

Just One Of Those Days…..

Tuesday, 30th July 2013

Just One Of Those Days…..

There are days here at Chaos HQ where I come very very close to opening the door, stepping outside and walking away for good. Yesterday was one of them. I’m so tired, so frustrated and so over everything at the moment.

I’m sure I’m not alone.

Just because I don’t pop on a uniform, head off to a job, doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to a bad day at work.

This week I promised myself that I was going to look on the brighter side of things instead of focusing on the terrible stuff all the time and I am off to a shocking start!

While aware of my increasingly bad mood, I have found it so hard not to become frustrated with the constant fighting between the kids, the mess I’m falling over and the super clingy baby that never ever wants me out of arms reach.

Its hard work and it’s one of those things where you truly need to vent about it, yet become overwhelmed with guilt when you do.

I love my family with all my heart, I’d hate to think that people were sitting back thinking I was unaware of how lucky I am to have these amazing little offspring that drive me bonkers day in and day out. It’s not like that at all.

I’m just craving space. Personal space. Room to move and room to breathe. I want to think and imagine and unwind.

I find myself yelling at the kids and ‘losing my shit’ with them frequently when I feel this way.

It’s not fun for them and it’s not fun for me at all. I yell, I scream, I cry and then for hours and hours later I feel sad, guilty and angry with myself for not having better control.

I think a lot about what it would be like to have some real time out and then get even more angry that it’s just not possible.

Some say, “why have 6 kids then?”

Because 6 kids is what I’ve always always dreamed of. No amount of exhaustion could change that.

And the guilt round-a-bout begins again.

I don’t even have the words to describe how worked up I can feel on the inside. So wound up that I feel violently ill.

And then I see this……

Eli Smiling 2 weeks old

Every single last bit of anger, frustration, guilt and stress instantly disappears and I know that every horrible bad day at work is 110% worth it.

A heart full of warm fuzzies and another ‘fresh start’ on the positive attitude.

 


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    5 comments
    1. Awww...that look...yes I hear what you're saying and know where you're coming from even though I've got 1/2 the number of kids you do. The fighting, the mess, the "why do I bloody bother", but then they do something and makes it sort of worth it. Makes you proud that you're their mum and you know what? It gives us the affirmation that we HAVE done our best and ARE doing our best despite the crappy bits that happen. Norlin recently posted...Monday Blues with Weekend Re-capMy Profile

    2. Jac, it's perfectly normal to feel this way. I do, and I only have 2 kids! Being a mum is damn hard work!! You do deserve to have guilt free time away from your babies, and they should know that mum isn't always going to do everything for them. It's a learning process for everyone...unfortunately the kids don't always click that if I do xyz, mum won't lose her shit! Not until they're older. Sending you calm vibes Jac. LisaW recently posted...Fresh blog designs | Straight & Narrow, and Common Chaos ChronicleMy Profile

    3. Krystal Ferguson

      Chin up Jac xxoo We're all allowed to have our bad days. Unfortunately this time of the year makes things so much worse, I am a big believer in this weather bringing on the SADs (Seasonal Affective Disorder - it's a real thing!) It's all got to do with the amount of sunshine as weird as it sounds. I hope things start picking up for you, exercising more is supposed to help ;) LOL

    4. Sandy Burton

      Chin up jac your an amazing mum. And the only thing with your job hun is its not 9 to 5 and only 5 days a week it's 24/7 and even mums with only 1 or 2 kids feel the same we are only human :-)

    5. I honestly don't know how you do it. I have days like that all the time and I only have two and both at school. Time out is essential for me and I do hope you can figure out a way to get some soon... Big hugs! Dorothy recently posted...Happy birthday to me!My Profile

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