There are days here at Chaos HQ where I come very very close to opening the door, stepping outside and walking away for good. Yesterday was one of them. I’m so tired, so frustrated and so over everything at the moment.
I’m sure I’m not alone.
Just because I don’t pop on a uniform, head off to a job, doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to a bad day at work.
This week I promised myself that I was going to look on the brighter side of things instead of focusing on the terrible stuff all the time and I am off to a shocking start!
While aware of my increasingly bad mood, I have found it so hard not to become frustrated with the constant fighting between the kids, the mess I’m falling over and the super clingy baby that never ever wants me out of arms reach.
Its hard work and it’s one of those things where you truly need to vent about it, yet become overwhelmed with guilt when you do.
I love my family with all my heart, I’d hate to think that people were sitting back thinking I was unaware of how lucky I am to have these amazing little offspring that drive me bonkers day in and day out. It’s not like that at all.
I’m just craving space. Personal space. Room to move and room to breathe. I want to think and imagine and unwind.
I find myself yelling at the kids and ‘losing my shit’ with them frequently when I feel this way.
It’s not fun for them and it’s not fun for me at all. I yell, I scream, I cry and then for hours and hours later I feel sad, guilty and angry with myself for not having better control.
I think a lot about what it would be like to have some real time out and then get even more angry that it’s just not possible.
Some say, “why have 6 kids then?”
Because 6 kids is what I’ve always always dreamed of. No amount of exhaustion could change that.
And the guilt round-a-bout begins again.
I don’t even have the words to describe how worked up I can feel on the inside. So wound up that I feel violently ill.
And then I see this……
Every single last bit of anger, frustration, guilt and stress instantly disappears and I know that every horrible bad day at work is 110% worth it.
A heart full of warm fuzzies and another ‘fresh start’ on the positive attitude.