Over the last 3-4 months, life has been nothing short of exhausting. So exhausting that I haven’t even had the time, energy or inclination to write a blog post, answer an email or simply keep up with the social media side of things.
Of course, I’m exhausted with good reason, and I’ll fill you in about what’s been keeping us so busy, but there’s one thing I have realised more than anything over this break, is that I miss writing.
I miss having a good ol’ ‘brain-dump’ and getting things out of my head and onto the screen. I miss writing the sponsored posts for the challenge they gave me in producing entertaining and honest stories that included places, events and products, and I also miss attending the events, because at the end of the day, more often than not, those were our quality happy family time moments, and they have become few and far between lately.
So while I often sit here totally overwhelmed, unable to string a decent sentence together, thinking about what I should eliminate from my life to make things easier, I have realised that perhaps my blog isn’t something I can just let go of so easily. After all, I have grown it from the tiny seed it once was, into a wonderful, supportive, encouraging community, and I really would love to see it grow and blossom some more yet… It’s a bit like another baby to me! Hahaha.
From here on in, I am lowering the expectations I put on myself with this screen-baby of mine. I’m not setting myself too much of a schedule, I’ll write when I want to write, when I have the energy to write and most importantly, I will write what I need to get out of my head, because writing is a great form of therapy for me. Anything beyond that will be a total bonus!
I tell you, the struggle has been very real around here. It’s the age old story of ‘So much to do, So little time’, which I suspect is common in most families these days.
We’ve had a lot on and a lot happening over the last few months that has added to the daily grind, our busiest few months of the year for sure. Off the top of my head it’s been a little like this…
- Levi’s Birthday & Party
- Mother’s Day
- Jai and Aria’s Birthday
- Zafirah’s Birthday & Party
- My Birthday
- Elijah’s Birthday
- State-wide Dance Competitions x3
- Dance Eisteddfod in Warrnambool x2
- We got a therapy PONY for Aria
- I took on a job outside the house
- MonsterSquad Grandma has had some health issues
- Revamped 2 bedrooms
- Endless appointments
- Veruca’s major dental surgery
- My own health issues, with my anxiety flaring up again
- Constant money worries and so on.
It’s safe to say my plate has been very very full and my calm-tank has been running on empty for far too long. The constant stress and lack of time to wind down has increased my anxiety ten fold. I find myself getting upset at the drop of a hat, angry far faster than ever and I’ve started to avoid social situations again. I guess the one good thing is that I am actually aware of it these days. It doesn’t make it easier, but it means I can see why I feel the way I do.
I read a post on Facebook the other day about how important self-care is. It made me think about how I really haven’t been doing anything much to ‘care’ for myself lately and it really is true when they say ‘Happy Mothers = Happy Others’. When I feel like shit, when I am not coping so well, everything in our lives seems to go to shit too.
The kids feed off my sadness and anxiety. The husband switches off, avoids and does his own thing. The house becomes a trash heap, we eat crap convenience foods and we all end up ‘in a mood’ because nobody has the energy, the fuel in their calm-tank to do much of anything. Then the cycle repeats ending in pure exhaustion.
So what’s the answer?
I honestly don’t know. There is not a lot that I can eliminate or simplify in our lives right now, so I guess it comes down to time management and managing everything a whole lot better so that we can allow ourselves the self care, rest and recuperation time we need to function at some kind of normal level again…. Well a better kind of ‘balanced’ so to speak.
It’s going to be quite the process I imagine, if only I had a magic wand to wave about, but at the end of the day, it will be worth it because I know how awesome we function when we are balanced! I never imagined that a life juggling a large family and all it encompasses would be easy, I just think we’ve become a little lost along the way.