What Makes Me Tick...

Who’s The Bigger Bully?

Monday, 17th March 2014

Who’s The Bigger Bully?

I don’t consider myself an opinionated person. I never have.

Well, maybe in my own lunch-box but that’s about it!

I have my ideas and beliefs and so on, but have never really spent a whole lot of time voicing them in a preachy preachy manner.

Often this is because I cannot be bothered with the backlash from others, or don’t have the time to spend justifying my thoughts over and over again, and I know many that have been in the same boat.

Why cause an argument? Why be the odd one out and say what I really think? I’m sure we’ve all been there at some point.

I was flicking through my Newsfeed on Facebook recently and I came across a status update that really didn’t sit right with me.

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It was a status update that I have seen 100 times before from various people, and have never said anything, but this time I couldn’t NOT write a reply.

More so,Β  it was the responses that were on the status update that irked me more than anything else.

Now I don’t want to Copy and Paste exactly what was written, as I don’t feel it’s fair and I don’t believe this person meant anything harsh by what they had written.Β  It was after all, her opinion, and everyone is entitled to an opinion.

The gist of the status was along the lines of Facebook being a forum for mum’s (or women) being competitive, and nobody cares if you’ve baked, cleaned or not cleaned and so on. If your kids are happy, clean & fed then that’s all anyone should care about.

Yep, good point, I think happy kids is the aim of pretty much all parents worldwide.

But why are we slamming those that do write status updates stating what they’ve been doing or how they’ve been feeling?

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Comment’s on the status went on to say that people are just using Facebook status updates to make themselves feel better, feel more superior to others and to out-do other mums.

They said that stay at home mums are bored and just like to brag, they don’t want to hear about your washing, your exercise or your dinners, and if you’re writing this stuff you’re just insecure and attention seeking.

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So here’s my reply to what people were saying in the thread….

“Mums were judgmental and competitive well before Facebook. Many playgroups and mums groups are a great example of that. In fact the treatment women receive from other mums at playgroups and mums groups is often what isolates them to the land of Facebook in the first place.

Many have no one at all to talk to, relate to and communicate with, and others just want to be acknowledged. There’s a big difference in writing what you’ve done for the day, or what’s pissed you off, compared to preaching about how your own kids are perfect and you run your house like a superhero.

I have a fantastic support network of other mums in real life and online and I write on my Facebook whatever is in my head at the time, and let me tell you, with these 6 kids, achieving anything on a daily basis is worth talking about.

I take my friends on Facebook how they come, after all, that’s why I’m friends with them. If they need support with a like, and its going to help them through the day (because what you read on Facebook is only ever a fraction of someone’s day), then really, it’s not that much of a big deal.

If they’re posting links that are not my views, I SCROLL PAST…

If people just accepted their friends for who they are no matter what, without trying to change them or manipulate them then we’d all be in a better place!”

And I’m standing by my words.

Who’s more insecure? The person writing a status looking for a little acknowledgement, or the person sitting back slamming them because it makes them ‘feel bad’ because they haven’t done anything yet?

I am also a little confused…. If people don’t want to hear about your successes and achievements on Facebook, and they also don’t want you to whinge and moan about the hard times too, exactly what do you want people to write?

Seems you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. It’s the beauty of free speech.

I could go on and on.

Personally, I have written status updates about everything that was slammed in the conversation, but that’s not why I am writing this. My status updates are a reflection of me on both good days and bad, what you see is what you get. I would like to hope that my friends would accept me just the way I am.

I have also built a community and a business online where many are inspired and motivated everyday by my status updates that state my achievements for the day.

I am writing this blog post because even now when I sit back and re-read it all, I see nothing but a whole bunch of bullying words. It’s comments like these that lead to insecure women. It’s comments and judgements like these that isolate mothers.

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So often we bang on about child bullies and bullies in the playground, but I think it’s about time, as grown women, we start taking a long hard look at ourselves and the way we treat and judge other mothers.

Whether it be on Facebook, at Mother’s Group or at the Local Playground, we need to start accepting our friends as they come.

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No one is perfect and there’s no one perfect way to be.

We’ve all been raised differently, we all have different views and ways of doing things. We all have different coping skills.

That’s what makes life interesting.

What comes easy for some may not for others and by putting them down instead of showing support just creates a hierarchy amongst fellow mothers.

While some may portray they’re better than others, we’re all here in the same boat attempting to raise happy, healthy, well balanced children. I no longer feel like a lesser being, like I once did, and nor should any other mother.

If your friend is writing status updates that suggest she’s not coping, instead of implying you don’t care, try asking her about her day. The same way you would comfort her if she burst out crying over a cuppa at your house.

If your friend is writing status updates about everything she’s achieved in one day, give her the thumbs up. Maybe she doesn’t get it from anywhere else. Often we assume people ‘have it all’, when in reality, all of their achievements and lack of self worth go unnoticed.

If your friend doesn’t mean enough to you to show you notice, then why are they on your friends list anyway?


    Written by:

    1. Michelle Neilson

      Amen! I love reading both your status Jac and what other mums are sharing for their daily todo. As a mum and now single person who gets severe anxiety and depression, and currently navigating the court system, and the system in general your Facebook is very often a lifeline to me. Please tell me about your mount washmore. Please tell me about your beautiful kids. Please share your hopes dreams goals and craft. It's a beautiful lovely distraction, encouragement and place of hope!

    2. Krystal Ferguson

      Well written Jac xx as always. Thank you for putting this out there. Other women are so competitive and it's about time we gave our fellow sisters a break, like we would want if we were down and out or wanted to share a special moment of our day with friends we thought would give a damn.

    3. BOOM! Everything you just wrote, exactly as you wrote it, is exactly how I feel I about this topic. Just accept people for who they are and how they come. If you don't like it, just scroll down... You could argue, or try to put across your point of view - but it can be done without belittling others... wise words everyone should think over... xoxo

    4. Amazing post Jacqui!! I agree totally. It's true, sometimes I wonder who is the insecure one. It's like that Maria Kang incident where she posted a poster of herself - which is an ad btw - of her and her 3 kids with the tagline "what's your excuse". I mean, why are other women bagging her, saying she's shaming them. Is it because yes, they felt ashamed that they've been using excuses? Same sh*t right? Look at men's statuses. I don't see other men slamming them down - at all. Only women do this seriously. Norlin recently posted...Fashion Day: Glamourising the Chambray ShirtMy Profile

    5. Well said and we'll written xx

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